My Experience prior to knowing about AP:
I was a very active and excited preggo...working full-time, seeing a few cases after school hours and exercising...by exercising I practiced Yoga, walked and every few days played Gold's Gym Workout on the Wii. I was eating things that I never ate before because I wanted my baby to eat healthy and because I read that exposure starts in utero! I was craving oranges...I shouldn't say craving... I should say "DEVOURING" oranges..something I never ate before and something that would bring me to a moan over it. It was like fireworks in my mouth (an by the way...Took and I still love and eat oranges!) I was loving life, but it was time to think about labor and delivery. I didn't worry about it until my third trimester when you couldn't deny it...You couldn't avoid it...this baby was coming out! Since I was seeing an OBGYN..I figured I would start there...
I knew that I wanted a "natural childbirth", but I was confused about Bradley Method versus Lamaze. My OBGYN could not recommend a place where I could find a lamaze class and he advised me not to "worry" about the Bradley method. I thought that was odd...I assumed that his office would be bursting with Lamaze information...but it wasn't...I trusted his advice and went online to try to find or create a lamaze class. I was in over my head and frankly, surprised that I couldn't find a lamaze class anywhere! I did find a few nurses who were willing to come to my home to teach a lamaze class, however I needed to have at least 4 other couples there. Easy right? 6 of my friends were pregnant at the exact same time, yet NONE of them were interested in a lamaze course...NO ONE wanted to receive specific traning and techniques to take control of their own labor.
I was told by another medical professional to get a Doula and just listen to them, as a way to put the control on the Doula and not with me. As I researched the Doula's role, it became clear that we wanted to hire a Doula to help support us in labor, however my husband and I wanted to take an active role in an "active" labor. We wanted the Doula and needed the Doula, but we wanted to be prepared with our own "tools".
I researched, read (Active Birth: The New Approach to Giving Birth Naturally and The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth With Confidence), bought books, read some more, rented DVDs (Laugh and Learn About Childbirth and The Business of Being Born) and practiced meditation. Luckily, I practiced meditation from an instructor from a local Ashram and did so throughout my entire pregnancy. We practiced each night for a few weeks leading up to my due date and felt as ready as we could be. Through this research, I learned to take control of my own labor and delivery. I felt empowered to make decisions that were best for my baby and to learn that there is a difference between the medical field and the labor and delivery of a baby. I am eternally grateful for this knowledge because the week leading up to my labor was full of disagreement....between my OBGYN's office and myself.
I fought each day with them and was told that my file was being marked as non-compliant because I was not willing to be induced. The discussion began a few days BEFORE my actual due date and continued while my labor started, on it's own, exactly one week from my "due date". There were no medical reasons for the discussion and I was told later on by a nurse that the doctors like to fill hospital beds on the weekends to clear the week ahead. Reading the first principle about how labor is to begin on it's own was proof enough that I did the right thing by my child. I trusted my body. I trusted that my body knew what it needed to do and I was comfortable in knowing that my baby was going to do her thing...I labored at home until I was 6 cm dilated and went to the hospital. Unfortunately, my entire labor was a fight to fend off the epidural wielding doctors and to support our decision to move around as much as possible. The nurses were wonderful and very supportive of my decisions.
I spent time in the water, walked around, squatted and sat on a yoga ball...it was great and I was doing it! My husband was AMAZING. He was right there for every contraction. He had a stopwatch and whispered in my ear as he counted "10, 15, you got this, 20, you should be coming down, you are great, 30" for each and every contraction. He supported each and every decision and was right there. I spent almost my entire labor like this...with him..in this moment of love and caring..I buried my head in his shoulder, breathed in his smell and fell into his embrace.
I made it to 8cm and then there was a change. I was asked to go lay down to check the heart rate against my wishes to lay down. I was told that I changed in my intensity....that it may be too much for me as I stopped joking around and stopped conversing with everyone...I was "intense" and these comments made me weaken my stance..it made me insecure in my labor and question what I was doing. I reluctantly agreed to lay down IF it was going to be for a few minutes, all heads nodded in approval and I did. I hated it. I lost full control of my labor. Gravity was not on my side and it was obvious. My labor slowed down and my baby's heart rate went to very dangerous levels. I had to stay in the bed for at least 20 minutes of monitoring as they decided "what they would do" and urged that I get the epidural in order to help the baby. At that moment, I cried. I didn't want it, but I didn't want to be foolish...I maintained this fight...this stance against it..but now...I was fighting this fight, but now was I making it worse? Was I harming the baby? I looked to the Doula and she thought I should do it. "Was it medically necessary?"..."Yes". I cried the entire time and then fell asleep. My poor husband was left to endure the stress of an erratic heart rate, doctors rushing in to flip me over and an operating room being prepped. He was scared. He was nervous...but he kept supporting our wish for our baby. We wanted to try.
I was told that I would be given the chance to push once..."if I could do it" then they would "let me" try to push...."I CAN DO IT! I was born and made to do this!". and I did....12 pushes and my little girl was born! She was here and she was fine and she crawled down to my breast to nurse...pure bliss that I cry each time I think of that moment.
Hindsight is always 20/20
Looking back on it....I am ok with it...I needed to do what was best given the situation I was in. I would be lying if I said that I don't get little twinges of "geez...if only I....", but I have learned a lot from the experience, from my insight into AP and from being a mommy...Now I am ready for the next one.
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