Night one of seeing what weaning is all about....and it sucks just as badly as I thought. I should say that my husband...the truest caveman..naturally born to be an attachment parent..is a rockstar and continued singing and soothing her as she called out for "Mommy" and "mimi".
Let's back up a little bit. I just found out that I most likely have Grave's disease and was encouraged to stop nursing so we can pursue radioactive testing and surgery as I am pretty symptomatic. Weaning was something that we never thought of as our plan was to follow Took's lead. Can we do this? Can we do this without making it traumatic? We don't know. We hope so. So tonight...I sit here listening to what isn't as bad as I thought...yet I still want to throw up. She isn't crying and seems to be pretty relaxed. Our plan for right now is to just see what happens as it has been a long time since Hubs tried putting her to sleep. (She goes to sleep fine at daycare).
It's more me. My fear of not being able to connect to her on a level that brings us both peace. As we explore a second opinion about all of our health options we start to think of life and mortality. Obviously, breastfeeding for another few months versus your health are no brainers...but when faced with a doctor telling you about surgery, cardiac arrest, hormone replacement therapy...all I could think of was..."I do not want to stop breastfeeding! No way! That is not the way it is supposed to happen!!"
I cried...I cried and cried to the doctor and it wasn't even about me. It was about my nursing relationship and my fears of weaning. As of right now, I am pretty sure that I do not have to wean completely...but we do have to prepare her for a solid week without nursing...which scares the absolute ISH out of me. What if that does wean her!? God, I didn't want this to end like this...although I do not want my health to be a factor either...the only thing we can do is try to prepare her....gently...as we gently prepare ourselves for the next step in treatment. Yea ok...Two emotionally charged events at the same time does not equal peaceful sleep..but we are trying.
Night Two
The darn dogs woke Took up. Hubs had it down to a science and was able to get her to sleep within 10 minutes of attempting to get her to sleep. She had her nightly routine of bath, books, brush teeth, potty and then bed. This time, it was Daddy in bed with her. We bedshare...so I am wearing a shirt that makes "Mimi" hard to get out. She was really good at just taking it out and nursing as she needed at night. I am prepared to try to help her learn to stay asleep tonight as I plan to say, "Mimi is sleeping. NIght night" when she wants to nurse. I ended up nursing her tired and then kept putting her down to fall asleep on her own...Maybe this will be the plan...I can phase myself out if we keep this up and then get hubs to try again...No matter what...those dogs are out of the room until we can do this. I won't be able to nurse her at all for a week when I have the test done, so we are trying to help her learn slowly...but man oh man...I hate it!
One Week and a Happy Mommy Later
It's all over!! We worked it all out and down to not nursing for 24 hours....We are back to our nursing routine and life is so much more relaxed. Please, do your homework, listen to your gut and find a doctor that listens to you. This Endo that I went to was so responsive to me and was so wonderful that he read the link from KellyMom and consulted with a colleague to agree with me....ME...that I not only do not have to wean...but that he would use an isotope that was slightly less "potent" and would allow for the least disruption in our nursing relationship. If it was appropriate to kiss your doctor...I would have!!!
The moral of the story...Do you homework!
Since the test, Took and I have both learned ways to help her fall asleep without always nursing...there are still "Mimi" nights, but there are also more daddy nights...the best part is...we are back to following her lead and she is so not ready to give up her "mimi"....and I couldn't be happier!!
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